Our car is already gold, and Miller High Life is the champagne of beers. What goes better with gold and cheap champagne than New Jersey? That’s right…it’s time to starting planning our 2011 LeMons season, and we’re anxious to try out some new tracks for Rusty Bolt Racing. Our entries are submitted, and we can’t wait to haul north to “The Garden State” and try our racing skills at NJMP!
So…the blog has been…ummm….a bit neglected, but that doesn’t mean RBR is idle. Fortunately, we were accepted at the 2010 CMP fall race – our second trip to CMP. We knew this event was very competitive, and the themes are always top notch. We pulled out all the stops in putting together our Miller High Life Porsche 962 replica using the finest in Coroplast (an RBR trademark), gold latex paint, and green racers tape. The realistic roof top intake scoop was the cherry on top of our Stuttgart masterpiece.
LeMons 2010 CMP Team
Porsche 962
We had a blast at Capitol Offense, but we can’t wait to get back to CMP. As my last post described, we didn’t exatly “Make Champagne” in time for the DC race. Our elaborate Miller High Life 962 theme plans took a left turn, morphing into the last minute Hugo Boss 944 design when we ran out of time. This go-round, we intend to nail the 962 such that Norbert Singer himself wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. I can almost smell the race fuel now!
See you at CMP!
Closing in on the final days and hours leading up to the Capitol Offense race, we honestly didn’t know if we were going to make it at all. With the cage half done, the electrical system only half reconstructed, and at least a dozen other show-stopping problems it looked imminent that we just might not make it at all. I’m sure every LeMons team has their long nights and hurdles to climb, and our team was no different. We though surely the second LeMons build would go easier than the first, but it was just as hard – only different. With little time remaining we didn’t even know if the car would run, we had zero test drives, zero theme, and we were running dangerously low on beer.
Long story short – we just managed to pull things together in time to do one loop around the block and drive her onto the trailer headed for the track. A final hour scramble to button up the remaining required items in the paddock allowed us to just squeak through tech inspection. We took our theme-less white 944 through BS and promised the judges we’d have “something” resembling a theme before the green flag. Working under the lights with plenty of tape and our favorite sculpture medium – coroplast – we assembled a vague resemblance to one of the only famous racing 944s ever, the Hugo Boss GTR LeMans car from 1981.
The heat was ridiculous, the car was untested, and well – it was a 944. Amazingly, our cobbled together “Boss” managed to run the entire race with no major issues, and we even finished 23rd out of 86 teams with respectable lap times. The well balanced 944 was suited to the twists of the Shenandoah Circuit, and we had a blast negotiating lesser hardware at every corner. Overall, the race was a huge success for us and we can’t wait to get on track again – next time with a winning theme!
With the car now running and the future looking brighter, it was time to seriously consider a theme. We at Rusty Bolt Racing are enthusiasts, drivers, racers, and all around car guys. Not that everybody doesn’t love yet another ice-cream-themed race car once in a while, we are personally fans of the nostalgia that goes along with some of the amazing historic race cars. Our Jagermeister BMW livery set the stage in 2009, and we plan to carry on the tradition of honoring the timeless cars.
Let’s not get carried away, however…..this is LeMons after all. With our self-established precedent for famous historic race cars sporting alcohol based livery, we knew where we were headed. A few options were on the table, but in the end the choice was clear.
The amazing factory Porsche 962 GTP cars dominated sports car racing in the late 80’s and into the early 90’s. Fortunately for us, the 944 is nearly an identical platform to the venerable 962….well, almost. With a bit of Rusty Bolt magic (a.k.a more corrugated plastic sheeting), we are certain we can mold an indistinguishable recreation of this awesome sports racer. Our theme wouldn’t be complete, however, without the perfect Miller High Life livery. The 962 sporting the white and gold made famous by “The Champagne of Beers” won the 24-Hours of Daytona in 1989. Rusty Bolt Racing believes it is time for this car to race again.
“Savor the high life”
In our collective 944 experience we all know that 944s have their weak points, but the electrical system is not typically high on that list. Our no-start problem, however, forced a closer look at the electrical system beginning at the crushed corner. We quickly discovered a mess of melted wires severed during the impact. After a slightly closer inspection we quickly dismissed this particular wire bundle as “non-essential” since it contained only accessory and lighting wires. To keep progress moving we decided to yank the fuses for everything except the fuel pump, and try to get the car started. Still no signs of life.
“Hmmm, I bet we have a bad DME relay” – a notorious 944 failure. A quick check of the relay panel under the dash, and…. “Ughhhhh…..oh no….oh man…..this is NOT good”. What we discovered is the kind of thing that fire departments use to train inspectors. It is amazing that this car did not burn in a blaze of glory. The back side of the factory fuse/relay panel was a black mess of melted plastic and wires. Following the main wiring harness throughout the dash was a charred mess of disaster. ALL of the smoke had definitely been let out of this car.
We seriously questioned our desire to continue if a full rewire was in order. After a few days to ponder the dilemma, we realized that there might still be hope. We learned that the main engine harness, the one linking the fuel injection system and all engine electronics to the brain, was completely separated from the BBQ disaster. We owe a HUGE thanks to Chris “Jazz” M. for providing us with his expertely designed 944 wiring diagrams from a previous race car project, and some much needed advice from his electrical engineering wisdom. We rigged up a temporary starter switch, fuel pump wires, and a new DME relay. Crossing our fingers, we tried one last attempt to fire the engine…..and VROOOMMM!!! it jumped to life on the first try without a hint of hesitation!!! We were absolutely astounded.
So, our complete rewire turned into a much easier to swallow partial-rewire for a few accessory circuits (fans, brake lights, etc.). The best part – we proved that the engine indeed runs, and we were back in business.
Our new purchase spent Snowmageddon 2010 buried on the back of a trailer. As Capitol Offense grew closer, we knew we had to get moving right away. A crow bar and BFH helped bend the fender just enough to steer the car into the garage. The steep approach to the shop was met with a clever boat trailer winch, and allowed us to get the non-running 944 indoors and ready for tear down.
The trusty Sawzall proved to be our most valuable tool, with assistance from the plasma cutter, grinder, and air chisel. After a few hours of work, we had a clear idea of what we had….at least we though we did. The wreck damage was (as suspected) confined to the left front corner. We of course needed a replacement radiator, but all of the bent cosmetics and non-essentials were sawed off. The frame rail was badly crushed, but that just made the car seem more lemony. More sawing, and we had a slightly shorter 944 perfectly destined for a career in LeMons.
It was time to drop in a battery and fire it up! We could only run it for a few seconds without a radiator, but we wanted to validate our race engine. …take a deep breath, turn the key….nada….not even a click.
“Hmmm….seems like we may have an electrical problem?”
The search for a LeMons car never really stops at RBR, even when we still have one. Wasting hours on Craigslist searching for cheap beaters is a sickness with which Andy and I are both afflicted. The 24 Hours of LeMons is a symptom. Or maybe it’s the other way around….
Around Christmas time, the Craigslist ads really started flying back and forth. We checked out a few cars, including another Taurus SHO and a pile of rust which at one time may have been a Fiat. Neither inspired us, so we kept looking. Eventually, I stumbled upon a $1000 1984 Porsche 944 with a substantial amount of damage to the front end. Andy and I both have more knowledge of the bastard child of Porsche, Audi and VW than we care to admit, so it seemed worth checking out. After a pretty major effort to extract some pretty basic information from the owner, we set up a time to meet.
There she was, just like the pictures. The front end was mangled, including the radiator and about 18 inches of the driver’s side frame rail. A cursory examination didn’t reveal any obvious red flags, and we were assured that the car “ran great, right up until I wrecked it.” It was LeMons or the Crusher for this particular 944, so we decided to do the right thing and save her. Let the negotiations begin!
Fortunately, we were not exactly dealing with a stellar negotiator. He informed us that he “really wanted to get $600 for it, but I listed it for $1000 to ‘get attention’.” Not entirely sure what he meant by that, we offered him $500 and said we’d take it away that day. Hands were shaken, and we headed off to get the trailer while the PO finished tearing out the stereo.
We returned with the cash and the trailer, ready to ride off into the sunset with our mangled, non-running 944. After a minor setback pushing our new friend onto the trailer, we were off. The car would live outside while we made final arrangements to “retire” the e12, which meant closing the windows. We connected a jump box for power (the battery was conspicuously absent) and were welcomed by a cloud of smoke from the dash as the windows slowly crept upward. We convinced ourselves that the smoke must have come from some of the hack-job stereo wiring and headed home, pleased with our purchase.
Turns out we were wrong about the source of the smoke….
After a winter spent riding the high of our “win” at CMP and pretending that there wasn’t an orange lump of 35 year old German steel and coroplast taking up valuable real estate in the garage at RBR HQ, Andy and I have made the unwise decision to return to crapcan racing. Conventional wisdom dictates this to be a terrible idea. Fortunately, “conventional wisdom” is not a quality possessed by even the most casual LeMons participant.
Our trusty e12 was about as tired an automobile as one can imagine by the end of her remarkable (relatively speaking) performance at CMP. She struggled to hit 50mph on the front straight. The brakes barely functioned (well, that was true for the entire race, really). The differential was held together by rust (ok, we bought it that way). The decision was made to retire her as a champion. Most of the world’s e12s are already scrap steel. But most of them can’t claim to have covered over 300,000 miles, earned a prestigious dubious racing win and gained the respect of a group of die-hard Porschephiles. We salute you, e12.
So, on to the next challenge. Craigslist, don’t fail me now.
By some miracle, the Rusty Bolt Racing team managed to pull off one of the most unexpected rookie wins EVAR! I have no idea how a group of Porsche 944 guys with almost no BMW experience managed to stumble upon one of the worst BMWs ever conceived (e12)…and turn it into a winning LeMons racer! (Build Pics) Nobody is more shocked that we are!
Although we were never even remotely in contention for the overall win (congrats to team White Lightening), we left the 2009 LeMons CMP fall race with the coveted “Index of Efflucency” award. Our prize included a large LeMons-style trophy, and a ridiculously heavy $1000 in nickels. The IoE winner is selected by the judges as the team that did the most with the least…sort of the underdog award. We showed up with all odds stacked against us, and some how managed to finish the race with a few cylinders still running, and 3 out of the 4 fender flares still intact. Amazing!! (Race Pics)
The journey was a nightmare, but the end result was perfectly LeMony. Uncertain if our car would even make it to the starting grid at all, there was almost no chance our car would last more than a handful of laps – LET ALONE our giant fender flares. Boy, were we we wrong.
A huge thanks to Jay and the entire LeMons crew for putting on an awesome event. All of the headaches of the build seemed to melt away once we got to CMP, and we had an excellent weekend among great racers and the great team hosting the event.
I know I have been buried under the car for months and too lazy to update the blog with stories of our build. Look for some highlights coming soon.
